I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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