Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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