Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize