fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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