the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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