who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize