I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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