Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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