ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
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explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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