Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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