i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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