Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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