I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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