If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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