Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
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He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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