I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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