walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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