genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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