What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
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if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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