Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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