Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
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And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
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You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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