I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize