are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize