S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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