Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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