can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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