if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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