nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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