dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize