Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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