i think my tv is drunk
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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