we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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