i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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