Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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