Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
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Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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