hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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