Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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