Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
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Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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