Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize