Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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