so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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