the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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