I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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