I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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