Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my cat just said my name.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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