I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
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I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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