the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
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Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize