4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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