the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize