and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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