Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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