where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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