Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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